One of the most surreal things about the death of someone you love is going back into their home. Standing amidst their life, their things can be very swirling. The unkept quality of the everyday mundane things: the fork on a plate with a few bites of food remaining. The untidy bathroom. The dirty laundry in the hamper.
These things speak to the suddenness of their leaving us. While the person has been set free of their body, their pain, their life, we remain with the task of sifting through their lives in ways we don’t typically think about: the random note on a piece of paper tucked inside a book. A phone number for an unknown individual. We get to wonder at choices they made that reflected a part of them we had not met.
And if you’re like me, some objects bring memories flooding back — some happy, some sad, some regretful. And then we get to work through the emotions that come along with those memories.
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This song Perfect by Ed Sheeran came on as I was driving today.
At first it was gentle, the emotions bubbling up.
And then Wham! Tears streaming down my face. Sadness. Regret. Unanswered questions. More sadness. Grief.
Grief comes in waves. It comes unbidden.
I let the tears flow.
How much we take “tomorrow” for granted. How much we take each other for granted.
As I midwifed my ex-husband through to the other side, on two occasions we talked about dancing. Somehow I just knew when he was lucid, and when he was elsewhere yet could hear me.
I asked: who are you dancing with? My mother he said without hesitation …. I know my daughter and I smiled.
I remember him saying “it’s been so long” when I asked if he was dancing…. The sadness, even in his declined state, was so present, so heavy, so not-so-hidden in his voice.
That memory came slamming back as I heard this song.
Dancing was very much a part of of my childhood. I loved to go...
Yesterday was one of the most magical days I have had since my daughter’s wedding last year. I began with intentionally listening to what was around me in the morning as I recited “Thank you for _____.” My day began with a deep sense of Peace.
The day flowed as if by magic.
I was gifted a remarkable 6 month program — on something I have been wanting to do for a long time. $3000 in my proverbial pocket. Tears of gratitude. I expressed my gratitude by going out into nature.
Woven into the day I saw far too many people’s posts in my Facebook feed that their beloved pet had died. Earlier in the day, someone has asked for prayers, as her sister was fighting for her life battling covid. ~ Immediately following 3 posts about pets dying, her new post cam up stating her sister had passed.
My book, Living with Grace ~ A Story of Love & Healing, Leaving Paw Prints on the Heart, could be so very valuable to each and everyone of these...