The Sneaky Side of Grief

This chair.
 
It's older than I am.
 
My dad bought it for my mom when she was pregnant with me.
 
I don't even remember how it came to be mine? It's weird how sometimes I remember EVERYTHING about an experience, a thing and sometimes I have no idea ....
 
Why am I sharing this chair with you today? Because it's a weekend. And the last several weekends I have wanted to sit myself in this chair and call my mom.
 
I used to call her once a week - usually on a weekend. She was so funny in her inconsistencies. Sometimes she would talk and talk and talk. (I would put her on speaker and just listen) And sometimes she would say a few words, too busy or distracted to chat and the conversation would be over in just a few minutes.
 
I was grateful when she recognized my voice and had delight in hers.
Maybe I miss her more because it's January and I usually flew to Florida around now? (she lived there; I do not!)
 
I don't know. What I do...
Continue Reading...

Don't Forget to Dance

This song Perfect by Ed Sheeran came on as I was driving today.

At first it was gentle, the emotions bubbling up.

And then Wham! Tears streaming down my face. Sadness. Regret. Unanswered questions. More sadness. Grief.

Grief comes in waves. It comes unbidden. 

I let the tears flow. 

How much we take “tomorrow” for granted. How much we take each other for granted.

As I midwifed my ex-husband through to the other side, on two occasions we talked about dancing. Somehow I just knew when he was lucid, and when he was elsewhere yet could hear me.

I asked: who are you dancing with? My mother he said without hesitation …. I know my daughter and I smiled.

I remember him saying “it’s been so long” when I asked if he was dancing…. The sadness, even in his declined state, was so present, so heavy, so not-so-hidden in his voice.

That memory came slamming back as I heard this song.

Dancing was very much a part of of my childhood. I loved to go...

Continue Reading...

Divine Alignment Brings Out the Haters

Yesterday was one of the most magical days I have had since my daughter’s wedding last year. I began with intentionally listening to what was around me in the morning as I recited “Thank you for _____.” My day began with a deep sense of Peace.

The day flowed as if by magic.

I was gifted a remarkable 6 month program — on something I have been wanting to do for a long time. $3000 in my proverbial pocket. Tears of gratitude. I expressed my gratitude by going out into nature.

Woven into the day I saw far too many people’s posts in my Facebook feed that their beloved pet had died. Earlier in the day, someone has asked for prayers, as her sister was fighting for her life battling covid. ~ Immediately following 3 posts about pets dying, her new post cam up stating her sister had passed.

Something snapped.

My book, Living with Grace ~ A Story of Love & Healing, Leaving Paw Prints on the Heart, could be so very valuable to each and everyone of these...

Continue Reading...