This song Perfect by Ed Sheeran came on as I was driving today.
At first it was gentle, the emotions bubbling up.
And then Wham! Tears streaming down my face. Sadness. Regret. Unanswered questions. More sadness. Grief.
Grief comes in waves. It comes unbidden.
I let the tears flow.
How much we take “tomorrow” for granted. How much we take each other for granted.
As I midwifed my ex-husband through to the other side, on two occasions we talked about dancing. Somehow I just knew when he was lucid, and when he was elsewhere yet could hear me.
I asked: who are you dancing with? My mother he said without hesitation …. I know my daughter and I smiled.
I remember him saying “it’s been so long” when I asked if he was dancing…. The sadness, even in his declined state, was so present, so heavy, so not-so-hidden in his voice.
That memory came slamming back as I heard this song.
Dancing was very much a part of of my childhood. I loved to go to dances. Friends of the family loved to dance and dance and were known to put on music and dance in their living room — joy, love, delight and happiness written all over their faces.
Why didn’t John and I dance more?
Who do you want to dance with? Just.Do.It.
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